PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—Calling the move a long-overdue fix for one of the sport’s most glaring flaws, PGA tour officials announced plans Thursday to begin stationing goalies in front of every golf hole. “For far too long, golfers have faced virtually no resistance when trying to put the ball in the cup, and fans have […]

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ST. LOUIS—Immediately ruining decades of graceful maneuvering to avoid discussion of the specific details of her upbringing, area woman Marissa Allen’s accidental mention of her guest house Thursday reportedly blew years of subterfuge to conceal her family’s wealth from friends. “No, no, it’s really more of a pool house, actually,” said Allen, unsuccessfully attempting to […]

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The Food and Drug Administration approved bemotrizinol, the first new sunscreen ingredient to be permitted since 1999, bringing the U.S. closer to other countries who have allowed the UV-blocking compound for decades. What do you think?

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WASHINGTON—Patting themselves on the back for seeing a film that was neither a sequel nor a prequel, the U.S. populace announced Wednesday that they were proud of themselves for watching and enjoying an original movie. “Learning the names of characters I’d never heard of before wasn’t easy, but ultimately I’m glad I did my part […]

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NEW YORK—At last providing a definitive answer to fans’ endless speculation, Sopranos creator and executive producer David Chase confirmed Tuesday that Tony Soprano died at the end of every episode in the series. “People have been asking me for a clear answer for a long, long time, so here it is: Yes, all 86 episodes of […]

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