SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming that the character would have been depicted as a titillating working breed if it weren’t for the “woke mob,” DC fans reportedly flocked to social media Friday to blast the dog from Supergirl as not even hot. “It’s hard to believe anyone finds this attractive,” wrote 25-year-old Evan Marsh in response to a photo […]

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FLUSHING, NY—Asserting that it was the least the franchise could do to reward the loyal fanbase that had stuck with the team through so many ups and downs, local Mets fan Paul Sutera told reporters Friday that all he was asking for was one fucking season where they win every single game they play. “I’m […]

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Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) will be facing James Talarico (D) in the race for a U.S. Senate seat this November. Here’s everything you need to know about the Republican candidate. Angle Of Smirk: 34 degrees Signature Style: Rushing to put belt back on Campaign Slogan: “Come Alone With Small, Unmarked Bills” Position On […]

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NEW YORK CITY—Touting the discovery as a breakthrough in understanding the behavioral patterns of the insects, Rockefeller University researchers published a study Friday revealing that mosquitos are more attracted to people branded with the Mosquito God’s rune of punishment. “After several rounds of clinical trials with a control group, we can confirm that anyone marked […]

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The oldest soccer ball in the world, believed to be 500 years old, will be on display for the first time in the United States, traveling all the way to Miami from Scotland. What do you think?

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