LEAWOOD, KS—Struggling to contain his shock and amazement Friday when he recognized a familiar face on TV, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce reportedly yelled to his fiancée, Taylor Swift, “Yo! Taylor! Have you seen this shit?” after happening upon a Lena Dunham sex scene for the first time. “You gotta see this. This […]

The post ‘Yo! Taylor! Have You Seen This Shit?’ Yells Travis Kelce, Watching Lena Dunham Sex Scenes For First Time appeared first on The Onion.

FORT MYERS, FL—Arriving in their nicest cleats, freshly oiled gloves, and carefully applied eye black in hopes of dazzling their coaches and peers, Major League Baseball pitchers and catchers reported to the annual Spring Training Dance Friday, marking the official return of baseball ahead of full-squad workouts later this month. Witnesses confirmed players filed into […]

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The post Kid Rock Sells Entire Music Catalog For Extra-Large Bucket Of Cheese Balls appeared first on The Onion.

TrumpRx has officially launched. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the new government website.  Q: What is TrumpRx? A: A strange line item you’ll see pop up on your credit card bill 15 times in a row. Q: What kinds of prescriptions can I get through TrumpRx? A: TrumpRx offers low-cost access […]

The post What To Know About TrumpRx appeared first on The Onion.

The bride (tacky) and groom (cheapskate) had a fucking cash bar at their reception.

The post Wendy Tomalin and Lee Epsley appeared first on The Onion.