The post DOJ Fails To Redact Thousands Of Secret Epstein Family Recipes | Onion News Network appeared first on The Onion.

A mother in North Carolina who went missing while Christmas shopping 24 years ago was found “alive and well,” though she claimed she did not want to be contacted by her family. What do you think?

The post Mother Who Went Missing In 2001 Found Alive appeared first on The Onion.

TOKYO—In a bathroom stall outfitted with a glowing panel of cartoon icons and a series of tubular suction gears that pulsed in choreographed sequence to a cheery welcome jingle, American tourist Trevor Willis acknowledged he was totally overwhelmed Thursday by a confusing Japanese glory hole with way too many bells and whistles. “Okay, so the […]

The post Confusing Japanese Glory Hole Has Too Many Bells And Whistles appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—As shocking footage surfaced of his participation in the rowdy celebration, FBI director Kash Patel faced backlash Thursday after he was seen partying with the captors of Nancy Guthrie. “I was honored to have been invited to the isolated cabin where Savannah Guthrie’s mother has been strapped to a cot for almost a month,” said Patel, […]

The post Kash Patel Faces Backlash After Partying With Nancy Guthrie’s Captors appeared first on The Onion.

The British royal family is under pressure to remove Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from its line of succession. The Onion sat down with the former prince to discuss his arrest and connection to Jeffrey Epstein. The Onion : Any reaction to the accusations against you? Mountbatten-Windsor: On advice of counsel, I can only state that my name is […]

The post The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Former Prince Andrew appeared first on The Onion.