DENVER—Frustrated by his fixation on a totally irrelevant topic at the expense of issues that actually matter to Americans, numerous voters told reporters this week that congressional candidate Ted Botello was campaigning for office with no better ideas than improving the economy. “This guy won’t stop talking about how he’s going to make life more […]

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Marty Peters and Karen Roth: Huh—the happy couple’s “in loving memory” table had a picture of Hulk Hogan.

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A McDonald’s employee in California suffered severe burns across his face and body after a coworker tossed hot oil on him, the reason for the attack remaining unknown. What do you think?

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BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Staggering out into the blinding light of day, Euphoria showrunner Sam Levinson reportedly emerged from a 7-year drug binge Wednesday horrified to learn what he had created. “Wait, I did what?” said a shaky, bleary-eyed Levinson as he looked through his phone in an attempt to piece together everything that had happened since 2019, a […]

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MINNEAPOLIS—Nonchalantly bringing up the act of violent resistance while discussing a fun evening she had with her friends, local mom Rebecca Peters casually mentioned Wednesday to her son Miles that her bunco group had thrown Molotov cocktails at ICE the previous week. “Yeah, me and the bunco gals lit a few liquor bottles on fire […]

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