Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Adam Lazarus and Hayden Ortega

Ortega was married off to Lazarus in a peacekeeping deal aimed at easing tensions between Indianapolis and Cincinnati.

The post Adam Lazarus and Hayden Ortega appeared first on The Onion.

Ayatollah Killed In U.S. Airstrike

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the theocratic dictator who ruled Iran for over 36 years, was killed in a massive U.S. and Israeli military operation, with the Iranian government announcing 40 days of public mourning following the death of the 86-year-old leader. What do you think?

The post Ayatollah Killed In U.S. Airstrike appeared first on The Onion.

Joe Mazzulla Reiterates Jayson Tatum Will Not Return Until He Passes The ‘Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian’

BOSTON—Amid continued speculation about when the injured Celtics star might return to action, head coach Joe Mazzulla told reporters Tuesday that Jayson Tatum would remain sidelined until he successfully completed the “Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian,” a riddle- and reason-based gauntlet he devised to assess players’ mental readiness. “Look, I know it’s your guys’ job to ask, […]

The post Joe Mazzulla Reiterates Jayson Tatum Will Not Return Until He Passes The ‘Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian’ appeared first on The Onion.

Nation Admittedly Curious To Hear How Trump Pronounces ‘Strait Of Hormuz’

WASHINGTON—While recognizing the small detail was of no real significance in the greater scheme of an escalating war with Iran, the entire U.S. populace admitted Tuesday that it was still curious to hear how President Donald Trump would pronounce “Strait of Hormuz.” “He’s gonna have to say it out loud eventually, and it feels like […]

The post Nation Admittedly Curious To Hear How Trump Pronounces ‘Strait Of Hormuz’ appeared first on The Onion.

Mitch Nagler

Mitch Nagler, 92, died peacefully last Thursday, at last relinquishing his stranglehold on the best easy chair in the Silver Pines Retirement Community sunroom.

The post Mitch Nagler appeared first on The Onion.