The post Elderly Man Uses Library To Print Out Pornography appeared first on The Onion.

AMARILLO, TX—Expressing astonishment over the unorthodox combination of the two distinct cuisines, local customers described the remarkable culinary innovation they experienced Thursday at the grand opening of a daring new fusion restaurant that mixes Texan and Mexican flavors. “It sounds kind of gimmicky, but somehow the flavors work together,” said local resident Harrison Peters, who […]

The post Daring Fusion Restaurant Mixes Texan, Mexican Flavors appeared first on The Onion.

COLUMBIA, MO—Surveying a wide cross section of Americans aged 18 to 24, a new study published Tuesday by researchers at the University of Missouri found that more Americans were foregoing college in favor of letting the carnival sort them out. “In a dire job market like this, it doesn’t make sense to spend tens of […]

The post Study: More Americans Foregoing College In Favor Of Letting The Carnival Sort Them Out appeared first on The Onion.

New Education Department data found a double-digit decline in the number of school-aged children who read for fun almost every day, with the share of 13-year-olds who regularly read for pleasure down almost half since 2012. What do you think?

The post Study: Reading For Fun Down Among Schoolchildren appeared first on The Onion.

CHICAGO—Anticipating the announcement would rank among the biggest scoops of his career, ESPN senior NBA insider Shams Charania is said to have casually mentioned to his colleagues Tuesday that he was really looking forward to breaking the news of Michael Jordan’s eventual death. “When MJ dies, I’ll be right there with a ‘breaking news’ post […]

The post Shams Charania Casually Tells Colleagues He Really Looking Forward To Breaking Michael Jordan’s Death appeared first on The Onion.