WASHINGTON—Insisting the terminated worker had violated the terms of her employment by leaking highly sensitive information, the White House announced Monday that longtime aide Sandra Wilton had been fired for telling Vice President JD Vance about an upcoming Super Bowl party. “It’s difficult to imagine how this employee believed it was acceptable to reveal details of the West Wing Super Bowl party to Vance despite being […]

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LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing the power of finally seeing themselves represented on screen, duos consisting of one tall man and one bald child publicly applauded the HBO series A Knight Of The Seven Kingdoms Monday. “As a man of above-average stature whose best friend happens to be a hairless child, it’s so meaningful to see stories like […]

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HOUSTON—Insisting he still believed in the dream that Americans from all circumstances could eventually become sexual deviants, conservative man Samuel Welker reportedly defended child molesters implicated in the Epstein files Monday in case he himself some day became a child molester. “Sure, I don’t have a ton of young girls at my disposal now, but […]

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Mark Platz, 51, passed unexpectedly Sunday. He is survived by his wife, his three children, and a massive secret collection of troubling pornography.

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