Statistically speaking, not every wedding is going to be magical.

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WASHINGTON—In an effort to provide a “more hearty, spoonable drinking experience,” the Environmental Protection Agency announced Thursday a sweeping new initiative to make all U.S. tap water chunkier by 2030. “For too long, Americans have had to put up with thin, dull water, but we’re going to cut through all of the unnecessary red tape and […]

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The White House has defended strikes on Iran, stating that the country’s leaders are “paying for their crimes against America.” The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding President Trump’s war. MYTH: As commander-in-chief, Trump has the authority to take military action. FACT: It is unconstitutional for a U.S. president to declare war without the […]

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If the body of Beatrice Fagan, 88, is not claimed within one year, her corpse will be sold at a state-sponsored auction.

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