WASHINGTON—As fewer air traffic controllers show up for work amid a government shutdown that has halted their pay, the Federal Aviation Administration issued a recommendation Friday advising commercial pilots to “just go with their gut.” “You’ve done this plenty of times by now, so, you know, go ahead and feel free to trust your instincts […]

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It’s Dad’s weekend. Try to make him feel like you want to be there. Reference #19887

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CRAWFORD, TX—Lashing out at the overbearing former vice president seated motionless in a rocking chair by the attic window, a distraught George W. Bush shouted, “Shut up, Mother! Shut up!” at the skeleton of Dick Cheney dressed in a suit, sources confirmed Friday. “I’m not your little boy anymore, Mother, so why must you constantly […]

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France announced that it will suspend Shein’s online marketplace after listings of sex dolls with child-like features emerged, coming as the brand opens its first brick-and-mortar store in Paris. What do you think?

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More than 71 million Americans are enrolled in Medicaid for healthcare. The Onion dispels common myths surrounding the program’s new work requirements, which go into effect after next year’s midterm elections. MYTH: Most people on Medicaid already work.  FACT: Whatever. MYTH: An 80-hour-per-month work requirement is a lot.  FACT: Eighty hours of work on Earth […]

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