SILVER SPRING, MD—Accusing the pair of a severe breach of contract, TLC filed a lawsuit Wednesday against the stars of 1000-lb Sisters for losing too much weight. “We are asking both Tammy and Amy Slaton to return to their original sizes immediately,” said TLC spokesperson Richard Lemmers, who alleged that the reality series stars had conspired […]

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EVANSTON, IL—After casually asking what she was thinking about getting, patrons at a local restaurant confirmed Tuesday that a friend they were dining with had suddenly started acting cagey about what she was going to order. “Hello, Earth to Sarah, we asked you what you’re getting,” said local woman Sydney Garner, 32, locking eyes with her […]

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LONDON—In response to what his lawyers characterized as “a reckless and defamatory misrepresentation” of the beloved ’90s sitcom about a small-town vicar and her eccentric parishioners, President Donald Trump threatened to sue the British Broadcasting Corporation on Monday for an allegedly misleading edit of The Vicar Of Dibley. “Given that the BBC has chosen to deliberately […]

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WASHINGTON—Amid a series of sudden actions overhauling landmark federal conservation regulations, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a public statement Friday warning monarch butterflies to “count your fucking days.” EPA officials confirmed plans to roll back dozens of environmental protections for the vulnerable insect population, vowing to introduce new standards for decimating monarch habitats and saying […]

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