BEVERLY HILLS, CA—In a widely shared photo that sparked divorce rumors, model Hailey Bieber was spotted taking a walk Wednesday with husband Justin Bieber’s severed head. “It could be nothing, but it’s a little odd for her to be out and about with only part of his body, no?” said an unnamed source, who acknowledged that […]

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GUILFORD, CT—Watching in horror as he silently calculated whether he would be able to dive and catch the dropped infant before its body hit the floor, local man Ken Esposito told reporters Wednesday that his sister was insanely letting their 98-year-old grandma hold her newborn. “Are you sure Grandma can support the baby’s head with […]

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SILVER SPRING, MD—Accusing the pair of a severe breach of contract, TLC filed a lawsuit Wednesday against the stars of 1000-lb Sisters for losing too much weight. “We are asking both Tammy and Amy Slaton to return to their original sizes immediately,” said TLC spokesperson Richard Lemmers, who alleged that the reality series stars had conspired […]

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LOS ANGELES—In a move that has drawn widespread praise, billionaire philanthropist MacKenzie Scott reportedly donated $80 million Tuesday to reboot Living Single. “It’s inspiring and refreshing to see an ally who’s not just talking the talk, but walking the walk,” said Living Single fan Melanie Parker, who noted that the need for the reboot of the […]

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CHICAGO—Struggling to explain the recent development during a polite conversation at her neighbor’s house, local woman Sarah Walker reportedly tried Tuesday to find a nonpolitical way to explain that her cleaner had been deported. “Maria will no longer be coming by to tidy up on Wednesdays because of everything going on right now,” Walker said […]

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