The citizens of Algebrania let out a mighty cheer after the wicked sorcerer Divisio, the Malevolent Mathgician, 3,500, was turned to dust by seventh grader Ben Louise correctly multiplying the denominators.

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After decades in the House of Representatives, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has announced she will not seek reelection next year. The Onion looks back at the former House speaker’s life and career.  1940 Born in Baltimore with mark of the gavel on her forearm. 1961 Poses for photo with President John F. Kennedy at inaugural […]

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The brides wrote their own vows in what turned out to be a generative fiction-writing prompt.

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SEATTLE—In an effort that was intended to be subtle but was clearly targeted, local cat Arlo reportedly followed pet owner Joshua Rice around his apartment Friday like a racist Walgreens employee making sure a customer wasn’t going to steal anything. “That asshole thinks he’s being discreet, but I can see him staring at me as […]

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LOS ANGELES—Admitting she felt “a little silly” after getting all dressed up for the premiere, Cynthia Erivo told reporters Friday she was disappointed after discovering that all her scenes from Wicked: For Good had been cut. “It’s definitely a bit of a letdown, but at least I had fun and got paid,” said Erivo, who […]

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