Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Cousins Form Pact To Get Laid By End Of Thanksgiving

The post Cousins Form Pact To Get Laid By End Of Thanksgiving appeared first on The Onion.

Medical Student Practices Fat Shaming On Cadaver

INDIANAPOLIS—In an effort to get hands-on experience stigmatizing patients’ bodies in a safe environment, Indiana University medical student Dylan Loera confirmed Wednesday that she was practicing fat shaming on a cadaver. “At first it felt strange, but the opportunity to practice saying, ‘Have you tried losing a few pounds?’ in the flesh is so different […]

The post Medical Student Practices Fat Shaming On Cadaver appeared first on The Onion.

ShamWow Guy Running For Congress

Vince Offer, the once-prominent infomercial pitchman better known as the “ShamWow guy,” has filed to run as a Republican in Texas’s 31st congressional district, claiming he wants to “destroy wokeism” in Congress and “make America happy.” What do you think?

The post ShamWow Guy Running For Congress appeared first on The Onion.

Astronaut Hates Long Nightly Spacewalk To ISS Outhouse

LOW EARTH ORBIT—Saying the dreaded nightly ritual had quickly become his least favorite part of his mission, astronaut Dave Barron told reporters Wednesday that he absolutely hated the long, freezing spacewalk required to reach the International Space Station’s outhouse. “God, it’s such a pain. You have to put on the whole suit, depressurize, and then […]

The post Astronaut Hates Long Nightly Spacewalk To ISS Outhouse appeared first on The Onion.

White House Touts Affordability Of Hay-Based Thanksgiving Dishes

WASHINGTON—Responding to concerns about high grocery prices ahead of the holiday, President Donald Trump held a press conference Wednesday to tout the affordability of hay-based Thanksgiving dishes. “I’m doing a great job on the economy and bringing the price of Thanksgiving dinners way down by encouraging Americans to replace costly ingredients with straw,” said Trump, […]

The post White House Touts Affordability Of Hay-Based Thanksgiving Dishes appeared first on The Onion.