You used to dream of couch-surfing across the world, untethered and unbothered, and now here you are, seriously considering an HOA townhouse. Reference #17806

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After years of planning their wedding, the pair were united in marriage within an hour of the bride being legally able to consent.

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SPOKANE, WA—Lamenting that she still hadn’t found the bug-eyed man-child of her dreams, area bachelorette Louise Perkins confirmed Tuesday that she was growing tired of constantly looking for Mr. Bean. “It seems like all my friends are settling down with buffoonish, mishap-prone men, but no matter how many dates I go on, I just can’t […]

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The Department of Transportation is considering a new crash test dummy design based on female anatomy, claiming it would improve safety testing for women. What do you think?

The post Transportation Department Endorses Crash Test Dummies That Resemble Women appeared first on The Onion.

SILVER SPRING, MD—Praising the drug’s ability to quickly and effectively increase fatalities amongst the nation’s opioid users, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved a new nasal spray Wednesday capable of reversing the effects of Narcan. The compound, called noroxone, was reportedly approved by the FDA as part of a broader effort to combat a […]

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