Mike Gomez, 50, died Friday after learning that even a saltwater crocodile can be pushed too far.

The post Mike Gomez appeared first on The Onion.

INDIANAPOLIS—Suggesting there were some deals even cancer researchers couldn’t say no to, a new study published Thursday by the American Society of Preventative Oncology found that processed meats were carcinogenic but were also on sale. “Our evidence indicates that while common deli items like salami, bacon, and corned beef have strong links to cancer, they […]

The post Study Finds Processed Meats Carcinogenic But They Were On Sale appeared first on The Onion.

COLUMBIA, MO—In a display of enthusiasm that revealed a deep familiarity with the subject, local man Luke Price was said to be totally nerding out Thursday about the idea of white supremacy. According to sources, the 26-year-old sales associate and self-described Übermensch rattled off a dozen esoteric theories of racial hierarchy and eagerly asserted the […]

The post Man Totally Nerding Out About Superiority Of White Race appeared first on The Onion.

The post WHO: ‘Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels’ appeared first on The Onion.

The post Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke appeared first on The Onion.