Reading List
The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.
Cackling Referee Declares Penalty For Pass Interference Shall Be 10,000 Years Of Winter
PITTSBURGH—Raising his hands before him as his eyes turned ominously white, the referee of the Steelers–Dolphins game was heard to let out a blood-curdling cackle Monday before declaring the penalty for defensive pass interference would be “no fewer than 10,000 years of winter.” “Hear me, mortals, and know that for the grave transgression of hindering […]
The post Cackling Referee Declares Penalty For Pass Interference Shall Be 10,000 Years Of Winter appeared first on The Onion.
FBI Designates Brown University Shooting A Cold Case
The post FBI Designates Brown University Shooting A Cold Case appeared first on The Onion.
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
PROVIDENCE, RI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Rhode Island in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals and injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This […]
The post ‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens appeared first on The Onion.
In-N-Out Removes ‘67’ From Ordering System
In-N-Out Burger quietly removed “67” from its order call-out system nationwide, apparently to deter youths from erupting into cheers when the number was announced. What do you think?
The post In-N-Out Removes ‘67’ From Ordering System appeared first on The Onion.
How To Keep Your Christmas Tree Fresh
With the holiday season getting longer every year, Americans nationwide are searching for methods to ensure the focal point of their decor remains healthy and vibrant through Dec. 25 and beyond. Here are tips on how to keep your Christmas tree fresh. Choose A Genetically Pure Tree Of Noble Heritage: Often the reason a Christmas […]
The post How To Keep Your Christmas Tree Fresh appeared first on The Onion.