A longtime advisor to New York City Mayor Eric Adams was suspended from his reelection campaign after she handed a reporter a potato chip bag containing cash, an occurrence she claimed was an accident. What do you think?

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The post Freshman Weak appeared first on The Onion.

SPRINGDALE, UT—Beating himself up over a lifetime of wasted energy, a local hummingbird confirmed Tuesday that he felt like a huge fucking idiot after he saw a hawk gliding above him with close to no effort all. “What the hell am I doing continuously flitting around like a complete maniac?” said the male hummingbird, adding […]

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WASHINGTON—As they called attention to his alarmingly sallow complexion and rapidly deteriorating brain function, White House officials sought to quell speculation Monday over the bruising on President Donald Trump’s right hand by dismissing it as one of the least concerning parts of his body. “The discoloration on the president’s hand is superficial and no cause […]

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ROCHESTER, MN—In an effort to advise American consumers about the potential hazards of ingesting the Mexican-inspired fast food item, nutritionists at the Mayo Clinic warned Tuesday that the Taco Bell $3 steak burrito was a $3 steak burrito. “While Taco Bell’s latest offering of a grilled steak burrito for just $3 might seem like an […]

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