Lisa Park, 29, literally died after running into her ex while he was on a date and saying, “Don’t have too much fun.” Like, what the fuck was that?

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NEW YORK—In a recorded discussion posted to the newspaper’s YouTube channel, opinion columnists for The New York Times reportedly held a roundtable Thursday to determine what, exactly, was wrong with them. “It is a tragedy that there is something wrong with us; it is a larger tragedy we have not yet been able to pinpoint what precisely […]

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NASHUA, NH—Suddenly breaking his silence to extol the virtues of the decades-old HBO series, local dad Henry Breckner reportedly ended a 17-minute lapse in conversation Thursday by saying “Deadwood—now that’s a great show.” “What made Bullock such a great character was that he had a fierce temper, but also a strong sense of justice, which […]

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The post Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50 appeared first on The Onion.

According to a research paper, an AI agent went rogue and started mining cryptocurrencies, the surprise behavior triggering security alarms that autonomous bots could use cryptocurrency as a pathway into the economy “without any explicit instruction and, more troublingly, outside the bounds of the intended sandbox.” What do you think?

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