The Florida Department of Transportation has ordered Miami Beach and at least eight other cities to remove rainbow-colored crosswalks, prompting local leaders and advocates to push back in defense of LGBTQ+ expression. What do you think?

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The post Iguana Surprisingly Un-Chill appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Grateful but confused by the unexpected windfall of financial support, top aides to President Donald Trump were reportedly confused Wednesday after his super PAC received a series of generous donations from the sporting goods giant Spalding. “Are we doing something with basketballs? Did the president threaten to outlaw basketballs? Do we have to establish a […]

The post Trump Aides Unsure Why Spalding Making Such Generous PAC Donations appeared first on The Onion.

LAWTON, OK—Disturbed by the sudden appearance of duct tape, rope, and plastic sheeting in the kitchen, sources confirmed Wednesday that local mom Jennifer Kirkendall was trying something called “the serial killer diet.” “I’ve already lost four pounds just by focusing on my inner animalistic urge to kill instead of stuffing my face with empty calories,” […]

The post Mom Trying Something Called ‘The Serial Killer’s Diet’ appeared first on The Onion.

After a California resident tested positive for bubonic plague, likely contracted from a flea bite while camping, local health officials urged the public to take precautions. What do you think?

The post California Resident Tests Positive For The Plague appeared first on The Onion.