WASHINGTON—In an abrupt termination that surprised many White House observers and raised questions about the fate of her remaining staff, first lady Melania Trump reportedly cast longtime aide Heather Schofield into the Well of Gloom on Thursday.  Shortly after midnight, the 55-year-old Trump was seen upon the blasted, confounding landscape of the Glade of Sorrow, […]

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WASHINGTON—Calling her actions “indefensible,” Vice President JD Vance stated Thursday that Renée Good was brainwashed by the Bible into loving thy neighbor. “The fact of the matter is that Renée Good was radicalized by these deranged, left-wing texts,” said Vance, whose response to the death of the 37-year-old Minneapolis mother was reiterated across social media […]

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With its proposal of the first-ever $1 trillion defense budget, the White House has sought a dramatic increase in funding for the armed forces. Here, The Onion breaks down President Trump’s military spending by the numbers.

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Reality television personality Spencer Pratt announced a longshot bid for Los Angeles mayor, with The Hills star vowing to “expose the system.” What do you think?

The post Spencer Pratt Announces Run For L.A. Mayor appeared first on The Onion.

THE HEAVENS—Praising the man-made food item as “on par with the real thing,” God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, admitted Thursday that imitation crab tastes just as good as the living crabs that He created. “Credit where credit is due—between the pleasant taste and low cost, I definitely don’t hate this,” said the Infallible Architect […]

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