The post FBI Designates Brown University Shooting A Cold Case appeared first on The Onion.

PROVIDENCE, RI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Rhode Island in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals and injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This […]

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In-N-Out Burger quietly removed “67” from its order call-out system nationwide, apparently to deter youths from erupting into cheers when the number was announced. What do you think?

The post In-N-Out Removes ‘67’ From Ordering System appeared first on The Onion.

With the holiday season getting longer every year, Americans nationwide are searching for methods to ensure the focal point of their decor remains healthy and vibrant through Dec. 25 and beyond. Here are tips on how to keep your Christmas tree fresh. Choose A Genetically Pure Tree Of Noble Heritage: Often the reason a Christmas […]

The post How To Keep Your Christmas Tree Fresh appeared first on The Onion.

SPRINGFIELD, MA—Facing intense backlash and scrutiny from critics who say the reference book publisher had failed to take all words into consideration, Merriam-Webster was accused of bias Monday after officially selecting ‘dictionary’ as its 2025 word of the year. “Merriam-Webster clearly has a pro-dictionary bias that’s preventing it from considering all words equally,” lexicographer Alison […]

The post Merriam-Webster Accused Of Bias After ‘Dictionary’ Named Word Of The Year  appeared first on The Onion.