SAN FRANCISCO—In a jarring departure from his usual brash, confrontational on-court behavior, Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green reportedly returned from halftime of Thursday night’s game against the Knicks eerily calm, sporting a large scar on his forehead. “Angry noise gone from Draymond head…Draymond good boy now,” said Green, who sat on the bench petting […]

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The post Howie Mandel Ricocheted Down Hall As ‘The Jennifer Hudson Show’ Spirit Tunnel Reaches Max Velocity appeared first on The Onion.

The bride and groom tied the knot this year, 2025, but you wouldn’t know it considering she walked down the aisle to a fucking Lumineers song.

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MONROE, MI—Citing its ongoing mission to provide customers with the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation, upholstered furniture mainstay La-Z-Boy announced Friday that its latest line of Jasper Rocking Recliners would feature fully adjustable morphine drips. “There’s no better way to relax than with our luxurious recliners and a steady stream of opioids flowing right into your […]

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Dear Drunk Guy Who Needs To Get Something Off His Chest, I’m a single mom with a 2-year-old son, and the people in the apartment above us play loud music that wakes him from his naps. They turn it down when I ask, but the volume always goes back up a few minutes later. The […]

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