SANTA BARBARA, CA—Groaning as yet another stranger shoved a ballpoint pen in his face, actor Noah Wyle stated Thursday that he was fed up with pushy fan tracheotomy requests. “Listen, I love that you love my work, but I’m just trying to grab breakfast with my family right now, not cut through any windpipes, okay?” […]

The post Noah Wyle Fed Up With Pushy Fan Tracheotomy Requests appeared first on The Onion.

The 68th Annual Grammy Awards take place Feb. 1. The Onion shares everything you need to know about this year’s ceremony. Q: Who will be there? A: Anyone who’s anyone in the world of mouth noises. Q: How can I watch? A: The best way to experience the Grammys is a 30-second recap from your […]

The post What To Know About The 2026 Grammys appeared first on The Onion.

The post ICE Agent Stuffs Sock Under Mask To Give Himself Chin appeared first on The Onion.

The post Bari Weiss Claims Ideological Diversity Begins And Ends With Her appeared first on The Onion.

BOSTON—Prompting exclamations of astonishment from colleagues and supervisors, local man Joshua Lingard reportedly appeared entirely unrecognizable Wednesday after enjoying a full eight hours of sleep. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even realize it was Josh without those dark bags under his eyes and his usual lifeless monotone,” said Lingard’s coworker Alison Conners, who gasped in […]

The post Man Unrecognizable After Full 8 Hours Of Sleep appeared first on The Onion.