Reading List
The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.
4 Floridians Die From Flesh-Eating Bacteria
Four Florida residents have died from flesh-eating bacterial infections, a disease that thrives in warm seawater and enters the body through open wounds in the skin. What do you think?
The post 4 Floridians Die From Flesh-Eating Bacteria appeared first on The Onion.
GE Recalls Washing Machines That Failed To Pleasure Lonely Housewives
BOSTON—Following recommendations from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, GE issued a recall Wednesday for 150,000 washing machines that repeatedly failed to pleasure lonely housewives as intended. “Certain front-loading washer models have been recalled due to a motor issue that prevents the machines from properly bringing sexually frustrated housewives to shuddering climax,” said product safety […]
The post GE Recalls Washing Machines That Failed To Pleasure Lonely Housewives appeared first on The Onion.
Trump Threatens Stadium Deal If Washington Commanders Don’t Change Name Back
President Donald Trump called for the Washington Commanders to change their name back to a previous one deemed offensive to Native Americans, threatening the NFL team’s stadium deal if they refuse. What do you think?
The post Trump Threatens Stadium Deal If Washington Commanders Don’t Change Name Back appeared first on The Onion.
Marine Wonders What Will Become Of Angelenos Left Behind As Chopper Rises Into Sky
LOS ANGELES—Shedding a single tear as rows of ramen shops and luxury apartments shrunk in the distance, 26-year-old marine Hunter Wade reportedly wondered Tuesday what would become of the innocent Angelenos he was leaving behind as his CH-53E Super Stallion helicopter ascended into the sky. “We tried to help as many as we could, but […]
The post Marine Wonders What Will Become Of Angelenos Left Behind As Chopper Rises Into Sky appeared first on The Onion.
Workaholic Father Finally Realizes Son’s Baseball Game More Important Than Civil Rights Law
WASHINGTON—Experiencing a sudden change of heart, longtime workaholic Eli Kaplan reportedly realized Monday that attending his son’s baseball game was far more important than his job as a top civil rights attorney. “It’s about time that I finally got my priorities straight,” said Kaplan while sitting at the baseball field, revealing that he had previously […]
The post Workaholic Father Finally Realizes Son’s Baseball Game More Important Than Civil Rights Law appeared first on The Onion.