The post ‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics appeared first on The Onion.

The bride (tacky) and groom (cheapskate) had a fucking cash bar at their reception.

The post Wendy Tomalin and Lee Epsley appeared first on The Onion.

The post Skin of Omission appeared first on The Onion.

The post Kid Rock Sells Entire Music Catalog For Extra-Large Bucket Of Cheese Balls appeared first on The Onion.

FORT MYERS, FL—Arriving in their nicest cleats, freshly oiled gloves, and carefully applied eye black in hopes of dazzling their coaches and peers, Major League Baseball pitchers and catchers reported to the annual Spring Training Dance Friday, marking the official return of baseball ahead of full-squad workouts later this month. Witnesses confirmed players filed into […]

The post Pitchers And Catchers Report To Spring Training Dance appeared first on The Onion.