Reading List
The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.
Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom Awkwardly Pretend Not To See Each Other While Out Naked Paddleboarding
CAGLIARI, ITALY—Groaning as they both realized the other unclothed person on the water was indeed their ex, Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom reportedly pretended not to see each other Monday when they inadvertently crossed paths while naked paddleboarding off the coast of Sardinia. “Oh no, you’ve got to be kidding me—what the hell is he […]
The post Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom Awkwardly Pretend Not To See Each Other While Out Naked Paddleboarding appeared first on The Onion.
Dunkin’ Announces They No Longer Have Heart To Charge People For Such Depressing Meals
CANTON, MA—Stressing that whatever garbage they have on their menu couldn’t possibly be better than what Americans had at home, Dunkin’ officials announced Monday that they no longer have the heart to charge customers money for such horrible, depressing meals. “While we take pride in our brand’s popularity across 43 states, we cannot in good […]
The post Dunkin’ Announces They No Longer Have Heart To Charge People For Such Depressing Meals appeared first on The Onion.
Tips For Surviving A Rip Current
Without knowledge of proper safety measures, a strong current can turn a relaxing day at the beach into a deadly nightmare. Here are some tips for surviving a rip current: Do not try to swim against the current, but rather at a 34-degree angle relative to the wind, increasing by a factor of five for […]
The post Tips For Surviving A Rip Current appeared first on The Onion.
Man Runs Fake Embassy While Posing As Ambassador
Indian police arrested a man for running a sham embassy from a rented residential building near New Delhi, with the accused acting as an ambassador to entities such as “Seborga” and “Westarctica.” What do you think?
The post Man Runs Fake Embassy While Posing As Ambassador appeared first on The Onion.
Tinder Update Classifies Female Age Input Over 35 As System Error
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—Causing widespread frustration among women who dared to search for love in middle adulthood, an update to the popular dating app Tinder reportedly began classifying female user ages over 35 this week as system errors. “I was trying to set up my profile, but I kept getting the same ‘Birthday Invalid’ error message […]
The post Tinder Update Classifies Female Age Input Over 35 As System Error appeared first on The Onion.