Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Trump Sues Safeway Circular For False Ham Claims

WASHINGTON—In an escalation of his ongoing feud with the press, White House sources confirmed this week that President Donald Trump was suing the Safeway circular for false ham claims. “The deceptive Safeway flyer peddles lies about the dry and chewy Krakus Polish Honey Ham being both tender and juicy,” the president told reporters aboard Air […]

The post Trump Sues Safeway Circular For False Ham Claims appeared first on The Onion.

What to Know Before Going to Lollapalooza

The post What to Know Before Going to Lollapalooza appeared first on The Onion.

CDC Recommends Eating A Nice Crisp Shiny Apple Instead Of Having Unprotected Sex

ATLANTA—Claiming that the experience could provide as much satisfaction as unsafe sex, a new report released by the Centers for Disease Control this week recommends Americans eat a nice, shiny apple instead of having unprotected intercourse. “What we are finding is that the risks associated with irresponsible sexual acts far exceed those of chomping on […]

The post CDC Recommends Eating A Nice Crisp Shiny Apple Instead Of Having Unprotected Sex appeared first on The Onion.

Pedro Pascal: Ooooh Wanna Kiss Kiss Kiss! Mwah Mwah! Smoochie Smoochie!

The post Pedro Pascal: Ooooh Wanna Kiss Kiss Kiss! Mwah Mwah! Smoochie Smoochie! appeared first on The Onion.

Study Finds It Possible To Die From Broken Heart 

A study published in Frontiers In Public Health found that it’s actually possible to die of a broken heart after the death of a loved one, especially if the grief is overwhelming. What do you think?

The post Study Finds It Possible To Die From Broken Heart  appeared first on The Onion.