NEW HAVEN, CT—Calling the previously undocumented behavior one of the most exciting scientific discoveries of the decade, biologists from Yale University confirmed Tuesday that they had observed geese eating tools. “We normally don’t think of birds as tool eaters, so it came as quite a shock to witness multiple Canada geese from a flock in coastal […]

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LOS ANGELES—Saying a coy good morning to her Only Murders In The Building co-star as she sauntered seductively around the kitchen, three-time Academy Award winner Meryl Streep reportedly made breakfast Friday morning for Martin Short while wearing his Jiminy Glick suit. “Hey there, Marty, last night was fun,” said the 75-year-old actress, dressed head to toe […]

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WASHINGTON—In a chaotic and alarming scene that sent West Wing staffers springing into action, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that President Donald Trump had been rushed to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center to watch a woman’s breast exam. Early this morning, Secret Service agents were seen whisking the president out of a Cabinet meeting […]

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WEST TISBURY, MA—Following through on his threat of legal action, civil liberties lawyer Alan Dershowitz confirmed Monday that he had filed a lawsuit against a Martha’s Vineyard farmers market vendor for refusing to sell him a child. “This is an affront to the principles of the free market,” said the 86-year-old attorney, who can be […]

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Thousands of male tarantulas are expected to emerge across several south and midwestern states in search of mates, with experts recommending giving them space if encountered. What do you think?

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