Reading List
The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.
RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid
WASHINGTON—Claiming the luminous potion would make the nation strong and vigorous, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued an order Friday directing all Americans to drink a mysterious glowing liquid. “In order to end the chronic disease epidemic in this country, it is imperative that every man, woman, and child take a large […]
The post RFK Jr. Mandates All Americans Drink Mysterious Glowing Liquid appeared first on The Onion.
Confederate Statue Toppled During Black Lives Matter Protest Reinstalled
The National Park Service will restore the toppled statue of Confederate General Albert Pike in Washington, D.C., despite local leaders calling for its permanent removal. What do you think?
The post Confederate Statue Toppled During Black Lives Matter Protest Reinstalled appeared first on The Onion.
Agriculture Secretary Demands U.S. Farmers Invent 5 New Melons By Friday
WASHINGTON—Warning that America could not afford to fall behind in gourd-based innovation, U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins issued a statement Tuesday demanding that U.S. farmers invent five new melons by Friday. “Our nation cannot keep coasting along on the same old watermelons and cantaloupes forever without losing its standing on the world stage,” said […]
The post Agriculture Secretary Demands U.S. Farmers Invent 5 New Melons By Friday appeared first on The Onion.
Stepchild Asked To Take Family Picture
The post Stepchild Asked To Take Family Picture appeared first on The Onion.
Andrea Fusco And Glenn Demers
Fusco married Demers in a beautiful ceremony Sunday, so the state kicked her off the medical assistance program that made her cancer treatments affordable.
The post Andrea Fusco And Glenn Demers appeared first on The Onion.