Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Book Character Straight Up Says She Hopes To Be Played By Nicole Kidman In Miniseries

AURORA, IL—Pausing to confirm she had read that correctly, local woman Liz Jackson reported Wednesday that the main character in the novel she was reading straight up said she hoped to be played by Nicole Kidman in a miniseries based on the book. “I can’t believe what came over me back there—it’s going to be […]

The post Book Character Straight Up Says She Hopes To Be Played By Nicole Kidman In Miniseries appeared first on The Onion.

Scout Would Like To See Pitching Prospect Mutilate Elbow A Little More

CORAL SPRINGS, FL—Emphasizing the importance of violent, ligament-shredding torque in achieving pro-caliber pitch velocity, regional baseball scout Phil Jenson told pitching prospect Gio Aguilar this week that he would like to see him mutilating his elbow a bit more. “You’re clocking high-90s on the radar gun, but you really need to be making that UCL […]

The post Scout Would Like To See Pitching Prospect Mutilate Elbow A Little More appeared first on The Onion.

Jason Momoa Praised For Historical Accuracy Of ‘Chief Of War’ Ass

HONOLULU—Calling his portrayal of a Native Hawaiʻian chief “straight out of the 1700s,” critics, scholars, and fans alike praised Chief Of War star Jason Momoa this week for the historical accuracy of his ass. “Of all the period dramas that have come out in the past two decades, this is by far the most realistic […]

The post Jason Momoa Praised For Historical Accuracy Of ‘Chief Of War’ Ass appeared first on The Onion.

Antonio D’Angelo

Antonio D’Angelo, 63, fell backward onto a knife in his apartment Tuesday, and that’s all you need to know.

The post Antonio D’Angelo appeared first on The Onion.

The Onion Film Standard: Top Gun

The post The Onion Film Standard: Top Gun appeared first on The Onion.