WASHINGTON—Running into several White House staff members as they tried to sneak their new friend inside, the Trump boys reportedly begged their father Tuesday to let them keep a homeless man they had found as a pet. “Please, Daddy, please can we keep our fuzzy buddy?” said Eric Trump, his visibly hopeful eyes widening as […]

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OpenAI announced new safety features will be soon coming to ChatGPT in an effort to better protect teens and others experiencing “acute distress.” The Onion shares a selection of those safeguards. Begins every conversation by telling users not to vape Targeted BetterHelp ads for any user in the midst of a mental health crisis  Parental […]

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Florida’s surgeon general announced that the state will eliminate all childhood vaccine mandates, although legislative approval may still be required. What do you think?

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KANSAS CITY, MO—Stressing that preparation was important both on and off the field, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid reportedly sat tight end Travis Kelce down Friday to gently go over what would be expected of him on his wedding night. “The keys to performing your best in the bedroom are proper positioning and situational awareness,” […]

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EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Speaking grimly as he mopped the floor beneath flickering fluorescent lights, longtime MetLife Stadium custodian Keith Browning reportedly approached first year New York Jets head coach Aaron Glenn Friday and warned him that “people who go in that locker room come out…different.” “You be careful in there, Coach—I’ve seen a lot of good […]

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