Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Conservatives Boycott All Forms Of Entertainment

WASHINGTON—Decrying the un-American nature of any activity intended to provide amusement or the slightest bit of diversion, conservatives across the country announced an immediate boycott Tuesday of all forms of entertainment. “The insidious liberal bias in music, movies, literature, and television is just the tip of the iceberg,” said Nashville, TN, resident Drew Cardona, one […]

The post Conservatives Boycott All Forms Of Entertainment appeared first on The Onion.

Mia Cutler and Xavier Carrasco

The happy couple wed Saturday in the presence of four loving guests and 176 indifferent ones.

The post Mia Cutler and Xavier Carrasco appeared first on The Onion.

Funeral Canceled Due To Runaway Corpse

The post Funeral Canceled Due To Runaway Corpse appeared first on The Onion.

ICE Agent Scores Easy Win By Deporting Own Family

CHICAGO—Saying he couldn’t remember the last time an immigration raid had been so convenient, fast, or fun, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Mark Hammond reportedly scored an easy win Monday when he successfully deported his own family. The 45-year-old ICE official told reporters he had “hit the jackpot” when he realized that because his wife […]

The post ICE Agent Scores Easy Win By Deporting Own Family appeared first on The Onion.

Rest Of Lakers Trying To Act Casual While LeBron James Spanks Bronny

LOS ANGELES—As they stared intently at their phones and pretended not to notice the steady rhythm of smacks echoing through the locker room, the Los Angeles Lakers were reportedly trying their best to act casual Tuesday while LeBron James spanked his son Bronny in full view of the team. “Wow, yikes, he’s really laying into […]

The post Rest Of Lakers Trying To Act Casual While LeBron James Spanks Bronny appeared first on The Onion.