Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Rockies Pitcher Out With Altitude Sickness After Ascending Mound Too Quickly

The Onion

The White House’s Plan For Reversing The Declining Birth Rate 

The Onion

Trump’s Support Surges After He Points Gun At Nation

The Onion

Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame Honors Guy Going Nuts In Front Row

The Onion

Woman Reminds Self Not To Catastrophize After Spotting 4 Skeletal Horsemen On Horizon

The Onion

FBI Claims Gavel, Black Gowns Prove Ties To MS-13 Gang

The Onion

ICE Agents Wait At Edge Of Delivery Table To Deport Newborn

The Onion

Catty Cardinal Can’t Wait To See Who Got Fat Since Last Conclave

The Onion

Trump Threatens To Defund Beauty Schools That Don’t Comply With MAGA Standards

The Onion

‘My Work Doesn’t Define Me,’ Says Man Who Will Spend 90,000 Hours Of Lifetime At Office

The Onion

Chipotle Planning First Location In Mexico

The Onion

Federal Regulators Hold Celebratory Seatbelt-Cutting Ceremony

The Onion

Prison Guards Burn Another Pile Of Used Underwear Sent To Luigi Mangione

The Onion

Study Finds Plants Increasingly Reliant On Gig Workers For Pollination

The Onion

What To Know About The Real ID Deadline 

The Onion

Fancy Feast Recalls 1 Million Cans Of Food That Cats Just Kind Of Stared At Before Wandering Away

The Onion

RFK Jr. Starts National Registry Of Introverts Who Sometimes Get Social Anxiety

The Onion

Marco Rubio Announces Overhaul Of ‘Bloated’ State Department

The Onion

Vatican Coroner Confirms Eucharistic Overdose

The Onion

Drake Catches Himself Singing ‘Not Like Us’ In The Shower

The Onion