Matthew Early

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Interactive Planetarium Exhibit Offers Guests Chance To Touch Live Protostar

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Bloated Supreme Court Rules They Ate Too Many Shrimp

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Menendez Brothers Receive Stars On Hollywood Walk Of Fame

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Father’s Day Gift Wrapped In Paper Towel

The Onion

• satire
•   news

U.K. Bans Ninja Swords

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Marines Raise American Flag Outside Cell Phone Store After Defeating Skateboarding Teenagers

The Onion

•   news
• satire

ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary

The Onion

• satire
•   news

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Dakota Johnson

The Onion

• satire
•   news

There’s No Such Thing As A Free Piggyback Ride

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Emma Harter and Brendan Welter

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Shell-Shocked Soldier Ant Has Thousand-Inch Stare

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Feud Poisoning

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Study: More Single Millennials Settling For Parrot Who Can Dial 911

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Israel Intercepts Gaza Aid Boat With Greta Thunberg Aboard

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Dissolving Fillers Leave Face Completely Concave

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Amazon Teases Next James Bond Will Face Off Against Threat Of Collective Bargaining

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Greg King

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Close To Transportation

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Aaron Rodgers Purchases Lavish Pittsburgh-Area Bunker

The Onion

•   news
• satire