Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

FEMA Head Under Fire After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System

The Onion

Trump Assures Nation Uncommonly Violent Ceasefire In Effect

The Onion

Taylor Swift Wakes Up From Nightmare Where Travis Kelce Wins Oscar Before Her

The Onion

Shroom for Improvement

The Onion

Pete Hegseth Wondering Whether Uranium Would Be A Good Mixer

The Onion

Cuomo Makes 11th-Hour Pass At Female New Yorkers

The Onion

Elderly Man Gets Stuck After Driving Down Rome’s Spanish Steps

The Onion

Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress

The Onion

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Get 400% Increase

The Onion

Timeline Of Timothée Chalamet And Kylie Jenner’s Relationship

The Onion

Entitled Child Expects To Eat Lunch Every Day

The Onion

Congress Passes Blank Bill For Trump To Write Whatever Law He Wants

The Onion

Christian Faith An Important Part Of Who Senator Pretends To Be

The Onion

Sabrina Carpenter Undergoes State-Mandated Lobotomy To Cure Nymphomania

The Onion

Tina Webb

The Onion

Report: It Probably Fine That 5-Year-Old Just Whizzed By On Lyft Scooter

The Onion

Man Returning From Near-Death Experience Recalls Angels Making Him Sign NDA

The Onion

What Are Our Dietary Restrictions?

The Onion

Fiona Blythewood and Dexter Van Horne

The Onion

Texas Doctor Tapes Pregnancy Pamphlet To Comatose Woman’s Forehead

The Onion