WASHINGTON—Calling the past month one of the droopiest on record, officials at AARP issued a strong April jowls report Tuesday. “We’re pleased to announce that the rate of sagging jawlines since March has exceeded even our flappiest projections,” said AARP spokesperson Janet Reyes, adding that U.S. cheeks had increased by about 130,000 folds over the most […]

The post AARP Releases Strong April Jowls Report appeared first on The Onion.