THE HEAVENS—Admitting He felt torn between His true feelings and His fear of the unknown, the Lord God Almighty announced Monday that He no longer loved humanity but was too afraid to leave. “Any affection I ever had for the human race is long gone, but I’m just terrified at the thought of walking away […]

The post God Admits He No Longer Loves Humanity But Is Too Afraid To Leave appeared first on The Onion.