Elisa Geoffries and Daniel Walter

The Onion

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Transportation Department Endorses Crash Test Dummies That Resemble Women

The Onion

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Judge Resigns After Wearing Elvis Wig In Court

The Onion

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Mom Impressed By Tattooed Person’s Manners

The Onion

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Artist Profile: Rosalía

The Onion

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Trump Announces 5,000% Increase In All Numbers

The Onion

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Francine Holmes

The Onion

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Lorde Requiring All Concertgoers  To Stash Boyfriends In Locked Pouch

The Onion

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Crying Sounds Coming From Inside Suit Of Armor

The Onion

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Pete Hegseth Wakes Up At 3 P.M. With Dozen Missed Calls From The Hague

The Onion

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Man Proudly Saves $8 On Pubic Hair Trimmer

The Onion

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Cory Booker Delivers Historic 25-Hour Wedding Vows

The Onion

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Heaven Can’t Wait

The Onion

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Haunted By Teenager Learning To Play Drums

The Onion

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Earth Rumbles, Dishes Crash To Floor As Gerrymandering Rips Through House

The Onion

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Tips For Repurposing Thanksgiving Leftovers

The Onion

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Homeland Security Relaxes Species Requirements To Join ICE

The Onion

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Cold As ICE

The Onion

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Nature Begins Reclaiming Chuck Grassley

The Onion

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Researchers Determine Moon Serves No Purpose But Alerting Raccoons It Safe To Come Out

The Onion

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