Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Hospitalized Toddler To Spend Rest Of Life Associating Mickey Mouse With Physical Pain

The Onion

Only Good-Looking Person In Office Mingles With Hideous Coworkers Like Missionary Among Lepers

The Onion

Local Teen Invents Masturbation

The Onion

Elon Musk Creates Federal Employee Revenge Porn Database

The Onion

Taylor Swift Spends Evening Editing Spreadsheet Ranking All Her Friendships

The Onion

Report Finds Ticketmaster Controls 80% Of Nation’s Middle School Talent Shows

The Onion

Nation Uses Extra Hour Of Daylight To Sun Perineums Even Harder

The Onion

Trump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To Depression

The Onion

Report: Fun Aunt Has To Go Away For A While

The Onion

Trump’s North American Tariffs: Myth Vs. Fact

The Onion

U.S. Loses A Fifth Of Its Butterflies In 2 Decades

The Onion

Fried Days (and Nights)

The Onion

DHS Begins National Registry Of Duolingo Users

The Onion

Noom Weight Loss Quiz Guarantees Personalized Insults Tailored To Users’ Insecurities

The Onion

FBI, Justice Department Buildings Briefly Listed For Sale

The Onion

Immigrant Criticizes Swimsuit Competition Portion Of U.S. Citizenship Test

The Onion

If Females Could Get Pregnant, There’d Be An Abortion Clinic On Every Coral

The Onion

Erewhon Defends $19 Strawberry: ‘It’s Made To Be Split’

The Onion

Streaming Guide

The Onion

Pokémon-Shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840

The Onion