Coworker Laid Off Solely For Performance-Related Reasons Warns AI Coming For Everyone

The Onion

•   news
• satire

God Wondering When Humans Will Realize Purpose Of Life Masturbating Continually

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Gallup To End Presidential Approval Polling After Almost 90 Years

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Mike Tirico Keeps Asking Olympians What Happens To Old Drug-Test Urine

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Trump Asks When He Gets To Kill Olympians Who Lost

The Onion

•   news
• satire

RFK Jr.: ‘Time In Hot Cars Helps Babies To Sweat Out Toxins’

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Dad Pursuing Lottery Scratchers Full-Time Now

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Grandpa Remembered For Messing Up Stuff Grandma Just Cleaned

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Baby Fails To Change New Father In Any Way

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Tips For Observing Lent

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Bookseller Scrambles To Hide All The Classics After Seeing Emerald Fennell Approaching Door

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Finnish Ski Jumping Team Caught Tampering With Earth’s Gravitational Field

The Onion

•   news
• satire

FBI Announces They Have Located Savannah Guthrie

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Study Finds Ancient Romans Used Poop As Medicine

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Pitchers And Catchers Report To Spring Training Dance

The Onion

•   news
• satire

‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Wendy Tomalin and Lee Epsley

The Onion

•   news
• satire

What To Know About TrumpRx

The Onion

•   news
• satire

Kid Rock Sells Entire Music Catalog For Extra-Large Bucket Of Cheese Balls

The Onion

• satire
•   news

Skin of Omission

The Onion

•   news
• satire