The post Groundskeeper Unsure What To Do With Unconscious Player Left In Medical Tent appeared first on The Onion.

Federal prosecutors secured indictments against 26 individuals they accused of rigging college basketball games, with the defendants facing charges that include bribery in sports, conspiracy to commit wire fraud, wire fraud, and aiding and abetting. What do you think?

The post 26 Charged In Alleged College Basketball Fixing Scheme appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Panting excitedly as he trotted from room to room displaying his prized possession, a giddy President Donald Trump was reportedly seen Friday strutting all around the White House with a Nobel Peace Prize in his mouth. “Aw, you can tell the president really loves that thing—he even hides it under his bed at night with […]

The post Giddy Trump Struts All Around White House With Nobel Peace Prize In Mouth appeared first on The Onion.

So-called “pink cocaine,” a hazardous polydrug that can contain ketamine, ecstasy, meth, and sometimes fentanyl, is increasingly being found in U.S. nightclubs among users unaware of its dangerous contents. What do you think?

The post Pink Cocaine Spreading In U.S. appeared first on The Onion.

SAN FRANCISCO—In a jarring departure from his usual brash, confrontational on-court behavior, Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green reportedly returned from halftime of Thursday night’s game against the Knicks eerily calm, sporting a large scar on his forehead. “Angry noise gone from Draymond head…Draymond good boy now,” said Green, who sat on the bench petting […]

The post Eerily Calm Draymond Green Returns From Halftime With Large Scar On Forehead appeared first on The Onion.