Reading List

The most recent articles from a list of feeds I subscribe to.

Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants

WASHINGTON—In a statement calling for more guardrails around ongoing immigration operations, Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives publicly condemned Immigration and Customs Enforcement Thursday for routinely employing fatal use of force without obtaining the proper warrants. “For weeks, Democrats have pushed to require ICE agents to obtain the necessary judicial warrants ahead of any […]

The post Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants appeared first on The Onion.

Trump To Europe: ‘Getting Greenland Was Mr. Dilbert’s Final Wish’

The post Trump To Europe: ‘Getting Greenland Was Mr. Dilbert’s Final Wish’ appeared first on The Onion.

Tim Allen Calls Out Oscars For Failure To Recognize Movies Where Guy Turns Into Dog 

LOS ANGELES—Noting that this year’s nominations had once again completely omitted an important sector of cinema, actor Tim Allen took to social media Thursday to call out the Oscars for failing to recognize movies where a guy turns into a dog. “By not elevating these films, the Academy is sending the message that stories about […]

The post Tim Allen Calls Out Oscars For Failure To Recognize Movies Where Guy Turns Into Dog  appeared first on The Onion.

Medieval Scribe Keeps Forgetting ‘Whence/Whither’ Rule

The post Medieval Scribe Keeps Forgetting ‘Whence/Whither’ Rule appeared first on The Onion.

Woman Throws Self On Grenade By Answering Call From Dysregulated Friend

MILFORD, MA—Wincing at the blast of guttural sobs erupting from the speaker as she picked up, local woman Anna Higgins reportedly threw herself on a grenade Tuesday by answering a phone call from her dysregulated friend. “I’m so sorry, Jennifer—it must be really hard to get dumped so soon after you stopped taking your antidepressants,” […]

The post Woman Throws Self On Grenade By Answering Call From Dysregulated Friend appeared first on The Onion.