The post Stephen Miller Rings In Weekend By Cracking Open Cold Cadaver appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Checking to see if the prestigious award was real by placing the medal on the glass turntable and hitting the potato button, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly microwaved the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize on Friday. “Look, look, I think it’s starting to melt!” said Don Jr., the eldest Trump boy, who pressed his […]

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Second Lady Usha Vance announced she and Vice President JD Vance are expecting their fourth child amid public speculation about the health of their relationship. What do you think?

The post Usha Vance Announces Pregnancy With Fourth Child appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—Warning that any attempt to spend time inside a personal residence constituted hostile interference with federal operations, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials announced Thursday that being in the privacy of one’s own home would now be deemed an obstruction of justice. “When an individual enters their residence, conceals themselves behind a closed door, and attempts […]

The post ICE Deems Being In Privacy Of Own Home Obstruction Of Justice appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTON—In a statement calling for more guardrails around ongoing immigration operations, Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives publicly condemned Immigration and Customs Enforcement Thursday for routinely employing fatal use of force without obtaining the proper warrants. “For weeks, Democrats have pushed to require ICE agents to obtain the necessary judicial warrants ahead of any […]

The post Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants appeared first on The Onion.