NEW YORK—Expressing alarm at their friend’s deeply uncharacteristic behavior, concerned sources reported Tuesday that local alcoholic George Ralston wasn’t himself when he was sober.  “George is normally such a loud, outgoing party animal, but when he hasn’t had a drink in a while, he becomes this completely different person,” said Ralston’s friend Joe O’Hara, adding […]

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The Washington Post announced sweeping layoffs amid declining revenue and backlash against the way owner Jeff Bezos has managed the company, with sports coverage, international, metro and the paper’s podcast being hit hardest. What do you think?

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WASHINGTON—Pledging to provide her with spectacles, a curled-up tie, and whatever else she needed to do a great job, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he would be appointing Lara Trump as the next Dilbert. “My daughter-in-law Lara is just fantastic, so we’re gonna make her Dilbert from now on,” the president said unprompted to reporters […]

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WASHINGTON—Saying the millions of documents had restored a pleasure they lost long ago, Americans nationwide said Thursday that the recently released trove of emails connected with disgraced financier and pedophile Jeffrey Epstein had reignited their love of reading. “I didn’t realize how much I missed the simple joy of losing myself in words until these […]

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WASHINGTON—Voicing deep frustration with the lack of jobsite carnage, President Donald Trump expressed disappointment Thursday that no one had been killed yet in the construction of the White House ballroom. “It’s been months since we started, and I still haven’t seen one worker get impaled by rebar or have his head smashed in by falling […]

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