CAMBRIDGE, MA—Claiming there simply wasn’t much else going on for the birds over the past several million years, a study published Tuesday by Harvard University ornithologists found that macaws evolved their vibrant coloration as a way to pass the time. “According to our research, macaws’ striking plumage arose as a result of the New World parrots […]

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OWENSBORO, KY—Insisting that the Winter Olympic sport was “basically just lying there and letting gravity happen,” local man Michael Chou correctly declared Tuesday that he could totally compete in luge and it wouldn’t be that difficult. “Not to shit on these guys, but c’mon, if you can successfully go down a waterslide, you’ve pretty much […]

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CHICAGO—Seeking to expand beyond sports coverage into radical new forms and expressions, Barstool Sports announced Monday that it would soon launch Confluences, a literary journal featuring book reviews, flash fiction, and in-depth arts criticism. Representatives at the sports website told reporters that Confluences would allow Barstool staff to supplement their usual output of fantasy football […]

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