TOKYO—In a bathroom stall outfitted with a glowing panel of cartoon icons and a series of tubular suction gears that pulsed in choreographed sequence to a cheery welcome jingle, American tourist Trevor Willis acknowledged he was totally overwhelmed Thursday by a confusing Japanese glory hole with way too many bells and whistles. “Okay, so the […]

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WASHINGTON—As shocking footage surfaced of his participation in the rowdy celebration, FBI director Kash Patel faced backlash Thursday after he was seen partying with the captors of Nancy Guthrie. “I was honored to have been invited to the isolated cabin where Savannah Guthrie’s mother has been strapped to a cot for almost a month,” said Patel, […]

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The British royal family is under pressure to remove Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from its line of succession. The Onion sat down with the former prince to discuss his arrest and connection to Jeffrey Epstein. The Onion : Any reaction to the accusations against you? Mountbatten-Windsor: On advice of counsel, I can only state that my name is […]

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BURBANK, CA—Admitting that her medical knowledge was “very limited” before landing the role of nurse Dana Evans, actress Katherine LaNasa told reporters Thursday that she had never heard of blood before The Pitt. “At first I wasn’t even pronouncing it right,” said the 59-year-old Emmy winner and HBO star, who credited the series’ “genius” team of […]

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