LOS ANGELES—Crediting the singer for sharing her unique expertise, actor Ryan Gosling told reporters Friday the story of how he prepared for his role in Project Hail Mary by consulting Katy Perry. “Katy was a tremendous help on set—I couldn’t have played Dr. Ryland Grace without her,” said the 45-year-old actor, who confirmed that the singer […]

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MILPITAS, CA—After gradually resigning himself to an evening entirely devoid of physical intimacy, local man Seth Martin observed Friday that his third date with Hinge match Laura Parker was apparently just going to be watching Amélie without any hugs or kisses. “We’re an hour into the movie and Laura hasn’t so much as held my […]

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Gas prices are soaring, with the price of crude oil rising above $119 per barrel at one point Thursday. The Onion shares tips for saving money at the pump. Remove unnecessary weight from your vehicle, such as airbags, doors, and bumpers. Driving in reverse uses less gas, probably. Limit braking to weekends. Make a tank […]

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The post Youth Hockey Banquet Spent Convincing Heavyset Teammate To Eat Copious Amounts Of Butter Squares appeared first on The Onion.

The post Trump Repeats False Claim That Iranians Produce Oil From Bodies Like Bees appeared first on The Onion.